Weekly Funny
Three Insurance salesman were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies service.
The first one said, “When one of our insureds died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and had mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”
The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.”
The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor of a tall building. One of our insureds who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as passed our floor.”
17.08.09
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack.
So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow. The frog says $30,000. The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone".
10.08.09
03.08.09
27.07.09
A Charlotte, North Carolina man, having purchased a case of rare, very expensive cigars, insured them against (get this) fire! Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued -- and won! In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that since the man held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that the cigars would be insured against fire, without defining what it considered to be unacceptable fire, it was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company grudgingly accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he lost in the fires. After the man cashed his check, however, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year terms.
20.07.09
After many years at sea, a pirate decided to retire. Since he had suffered injuries on the job, he thought that he should collect on his worker's compensation insurance. He had a wooden leg, a hook where his right hand should be and a patch over his right eye. The agent assured him that he would be compensated if the injuries were work related.
"How did you get the wooden leg?" asked the agent.
In a booming voice the pirate replied, "Me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me leg."
The agent replied, "That is certainly work related. How did you lose your hand?"
"Well matey, me and me mates were on the high seas when the boom swang 'round and knocked me into the sea where a shark bit off me hand," said the pirate.
"That's also work related. Now how did you lose your eye?" asked the agent.
The pirate replied, "Well matey, I was laying on the deck one balmy day catching some rays when this seagull flew by and dropped his duty right in me eye!"
"What does that have to do with the loss of your eye?" said the agent.
"It were the first day with me hook!"
13.07.09
06.07.09
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